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User blog:TKandMit/Jack the Ripper vs Slender Man. Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains
Time for a semi-annual update to this series lmao Today we got two mysterious and "faceless" -- so to speak -- killers, one fictional and one all too real. Internet phenomena and cultural influence Slender Man goes tentacle to toe with London serial killer Jack the Ripper. I've already used Jack in this series back in season one in an ehhh battle against the Zodiac Killer, and figured since it's been four years that I could put out a better battle with him in it. I've also previously gone on record and said that I wouldn't use Creepypasta characters in this series but also decided fuck it. This battle was originally conceived about three years ago, meant to be an installment of Wonder's ''Epic Rap Battles of Video Games vs History''. Wonder brought me on to write Jack the Ripper's verse, as well as Voice to write Slender's, and was meant to be a royale where the title rappers were followed by the Zodiac Killer, the Origami Killer, and the Jigsaw Killer. Since I had just used Jigsaw in my previous battle I decided not to go this original route. I also heavily rewrote Slender Man's verses before scrapping most of it and bringing on Cyan to finalize them. So with that, I give a huge thanks to Cyan for helping me finish this project that's been in the vault for a while! Cheers mate. Cast Nice Peter as Slender Man Dan Bull as Jack the Ripper Beat Battle EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HEROES AND VILLAINS! VERSUS! BEGIN! Slender Man This is a bad decision. I’m impervious to incisions. You’d need an exorcism I’m headed for a collision with Jack the Ripper; tunnel vision I Follow, keeping my distance and waiting for the chance to break you Always Watches. No Eyes. But don’t look back or I take you Only five kills to your name? Well, that doesn’t convince me That you’re anything noteworthy; This butcher is mincemeat One slippery jellied eel should quickly ditch me before this gets grizzly This is Slender’s Arrival to finally close the case on Kosminski You hide behind your letters. The Zodiac did it better He could craft a clever cipher while you’re still trying to wet the feather Prolonged exposure will crack your composure, and slowly take its toll You have no heart and lost your mind, so I’ll settle for your soul Jack the Ripper Dear Boss, I always figured I was the only one who cared for the disfigured; Mishter Sickert wishes he’d be the Ripper--he’d love to snap this picture! The cusses of coppers spoilt the game, but now it’s just you and I! The most prolific killer in history, bickering with a squid in a suit and tie! Sever tentacles and necks, detectives can’t fetch a suspect A double event’s evidence, it was sent from The Nemesis of Neglect! You were raising hell in the games with your static and eight pages, But you’re a faceless dead meme, my legacy has lived for ages! Crossed off the harlots, autopsies of gaudy rotten bodies! Having friends stabbing friends, you got Munchausen by proxies! Wanna talk about Zed? You stole his O and X calling card! Hugs and kisses, Slendy, this is Jack’s night of balling hard! Slender Man Jack came down and woke the whole town with the screams This time I don’t need teens to burn you to the ground like a Library I can sense your cowardice, your control is wearing thin The last thing you’ll see is me; how do you pale in comparison? Instead of rocking the mic, stick to kidney stones, please Or we'll bury the hatchet in your hat, let me ask Ticci Toby People have phobias of me, you’re long forgotten You’re a rabid dog. Making you a proxy is not an option Cackling like a jackal with a scalpel, Leather Apron haunting Whitechapel If you merely wanted to carve flesh, you should have gone to White Castle You failed as a terrorist, and you failed at spelling How did you get close to any girls with a smell that repelling? Take a page from Slender. Your newspaper capers don’t impress me, see ‘Friend to all whores.’ The only letters you collect are S.T.Ds The world’s longest game of Hide and Seek is about to be won. Over and done. Hope you had fun. You can hide, Jack the Ripper, but you CAN’T RUN Jack the Ripper Ooh, there goes the Hornet! That was just a bee sting! You’ve really lost your Marbles if you think you’ll beat me! You’re not foreboding forests, you were formed in a forum You’ve got all of that lore and nothing to show for it! Bruv, you got all your credit from the 3 a.m. challenge Now you’re just an anorexic No Face with no talent! (Ooh!) Why's this dude with a suit want to squabble? I’m making cuts, taking guts, now THAT’S Something Offal! Back up Slender, stand and flicker as I stab a stripper, Thrash the liver, snap into it, grab some dip and have some dinner Smash it with a glass of liquor. Breaking bread, I can’t deliver ‘Cause I am a sinner, lapping ichor; that is sick, I’m acting sicker Casting shivers down your back until the axe is splintered Threatening me? Now that’s a killer, slapstick and I’m laughing chipper I’m assailing hearts and mailing my regards, I stamped the letter Back to sender, it’s the battle winner, “From yours truly, Jack the Ripper!” (Ahh!!! HAHAHAHA!!!) WHO WON?! WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HEROES AND VILLAINS! Who won? Jack the Ripper Slender Man Category:Blog posts